For instance, I have 2 big fears in my life. They have absolutely nothing to do with monetary happiness or success in my job. I know I will do well in both of those arena's, mainly because I am a workaholic and will go through every possible facet in order to be the best and move up the quickest. And in terms of monetary happiness, when you are cheap, and you will always have dinero, at least that is my opinion, and plus, I have a strong relationship with Goodwill Industries.
So for me, my two fears are that, one, I will not find someone to accept me for the forever aspect. Maybe, this is because I don't put out the vibe that a I am ready and willing for commitment and maybe its because my fear that someone will not accept all the positives and negatives about me, and this inhibits me from disclosing all the personal information about myself that allows others to get in my inner circle. I do realize that I have to have a certain aura about me, but I'm fairly certain no matter how ready I am I will never have that aura. I have always said that I never had issues getting the guy, but never had the appeal to keep them around once the honeymoon/physical chemistry subsided. To be honest, maybe only twice in my life have I a been completely honest about who I really am. Once ended due to irreconcilable difference and there are no ill feelings.
Anyone is able to sabotage their own relationship, and I have come to the determination that I have a very high success rate at sabotaging relationships. At times, I believe others are unable to see past the face value.....hello, its their fault not mine. Classic single girl response. But really, why should I want anything to do with someone that can only see me for exactly what I present, shouldn't I want that person that see's more, that is able to look past the physical aspects or the image that I portray. I'm a balla... I know this, thus everyone else should know this.
Secondly, I'm petrified of being a good mother one day. Actually, I'm just petrified of being a mom in general. I don't get that warm, fuzzy feeling at the thought of being a mom. In hindsight, I'd rather take a butter knife and slowly disseminate my carodit artery while shoving a cold ice pic in my eye at the same time. Graphic...maybe. Really, you are trusting the life of another human being in my hands and expecting me to raise it to be a decent human being. It would be a well dressed object, but decent human...I think not. I'm fairly certain that I do not have that mother instinct....heck, I have a tendency of making babies and small animals cry. I am not only scared of raising something to be a just human being, but how do I do this and work at the same time. I can barely focus on fixing my own hair in the morning and you expect me to make sure something goes to school with matching shoes on it's feet. Teachers will hate me, I may even have the smelly kid one day whose name is Euripides because I decided that even if he was old and had the IQ of a 2 year old at least he would have a noble name. I'll give him a nickname, just so the kids won't call him a freak in attempt to protect his social development, but no doubt he will be scarred for life. To some extent, this could make me a good mom, I mean isn't part of growing up being completely scarred by something that happened in the forefront of you cognitive and social development. I was called Pippy, and told I was fat by some dumb boy on the school bus. At least now my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard now.
I'm fairly certain my quarterlife crisis is going to sabotage the rest of my life...
Anyone is able to sabotage their own relationship, and I have come to the determination that I have a very high success rate at sabotaging relationships. At times, I believe others are unable to see past the face value.....hello, its their fault not mine. Classic single girl response. But really, why should I want anything to do with someone that can only see me for exactly what I present, shouldn't I want that person that see's more, that is able to look past the physical aspects or the image that I portray. I'm a balla... I know this, thus everyone else should know this.
Secondly, I'm petrified of being a good mother one day. Actually, I'm just petrified of being a mom in general. I don't get that warm, fuzzy feeling at the thought of being a mom. In hindsight, I'd rather take a butter knife and slowly disseminate my carodit artery while shoving a cold ice pic in my eye at the same time. Graphic...maybe. Really, you are trusting the life of another human being in my hands and expecting me to raise it to be a decent human being. It would be a well dressed object, but decent human...I think not. I'm fairly certain that I do not have that mother instinct....heck, I have a tendency of making babies and small animals cry. I am not only scared of raising something to be a just human being, but how do I do this and work at the same time. I can barely focus on fixing my own hair in the morning and you expect me to make sure something goes to school with matching shoes on it's feet. Teachers will hate me, I may even have the smelly kid one day whose name is Euripides because I decided that even if he was old and had the IQ of a 2 year old at least he would have a noble name. I'll give him a nickname, just so the kids won't call him a freak in attempt to protect his social development, but no doubt he will be scarred for life. To some extent, this could make me a good mom, I mean isn't part of growing up being completely scarred by something that happened in the forefront of you cognitive and social development. I was called Pippy, and told I was fat by some dumb boy on the school bus. At least now my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard now.
I'm fairly certain my quarterlife crisis is going to sabotage the rest of my life...
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